How to Talk About Memory Care (Without Creating More Guilt)
Senior living sales reps already know how hard it can be to sell memory care to families who are on the fence about it. The families often want to give it “one more go,” which usually means more work for the family or more money if home care is involved (or both).
As an objective observer, you know memory care is the better choice (and what will likely be the inevitable choice). But pushing people before they’re ready to accept this reality isn’t the way to go about it.
Luckily, there’s a middle ground. You can guide people to memory care WITHOUT creating more guilt. Below are three strategies that accomplish exactly that.
1. Start with empathy.
Moving a loved one into memory care is one of the most difficult—and emotionally charged—decisions a family will ever face. There’s a heightened sense of vulnerability because the future resident often can’t advocate for themselves. They may be unable to communicate basic needs like hunger, thirst, or distress. Their caregivers have learned a new language, decoding nonverbal cues and adapting routines to meet those needs.
These families know how hard it is to get through something as simple as a meal or a shower, and they can’t imagine anyone else doing it “right.” They’re exhausted, stressed, overwhelmed, scared, and wracked with guilt for even considering that they can’t do it alone anymore.
In these moments, the only right approach is empathy.
Empathy means truly seeing the situation through the caregiver’s eyes, not offering quick fixes or surface-level reassurance. It’s about listening without judgment, validating their feelings, and acknowledging the grief, guilt, and exhaustion they’re carrying.
It’s also different from sympathy. Sympathy might sound like, “I’m so sorry you’re going through this.” Empathy goes deeper: “I can hear how hard this is. You’ve done so much for your loved one. I’m here. I’m listening.”
Where sympathy feels like offering comfort from a distance, empathy sits in the discomfort with the person. It doesn’t try to steer the conversation to a silver lining or gloss over the pain. Instead, it honors the reality that every caregiver’s journey is different—and that some moments are just plain hard.
For now, your job is to check in (without expecting a “sale”). Here are some ideas:
- Send a handwritten card letting them know you’re thinking of them. (Don’t just do it once.)
- Call. If you catch them at a bad time, let them know you wanted to see how they’re doing, but then let them go (you don’t want to add to their stress). If you catch them at a “good” time, let them talk. (And pay attention.) If you get their voicemail, simply leave a heartfelt message (and tell them it’s OK if they don’t have time to call back).
- Deliver dinner. You can organize this with your community’s chef, but if that isn’t feasible, having salads and pizza delivered (or dropping them off) can be a bright point in an otherwise hard day.
- Stock the freezer with healthy prepared meals. Families often need fast options when it’s hectic.
Giving each sales rep a discretionary spending account for these sorts of small but super meaningful gestures makes it easy for the reps to follow through.
PRO TIP: Stop by for a home visit.
(Always check with them first.) Sometimes, families can’t make it in for a tour, either emotionally or logistically. That’s where home visits come in. Bring over a meal or an activity. Sit with them. Talk with them. Listen more than you speak. Share books and helpful resources, and let the conversation unfold organically.
These visits will give you incredible insight into the caregiving dynamic, the home environment, and the prospective resident’s personality, interests, and life story (and which family members are truly running the show). You’ll see firsthand what matters to the family and what makes their loved one unique.
Because at the end of the day, caregivers want to know that their loved one is seen, that they aren’t just a diagnosis, and that you recognize the vibrant, capable person they were before this disease began to take hold.
2. Educate them on what memory care is like in your community.
Memory care gets a bad rap, thanks to TV shows and movies perpetuating stereotypes or people using words like “facility” that can be a real turn-off. (Who wants to put their parent in a facility?)
No, you can’t speak about memory care in all communities, but you can educate folks on what memory care is like in your community.
- Invite caregivers and their loved ones to experience your community in a natural and low-pressure way, like attending a lunch, an event, or a favorite activity. Let them see firsthand how their loved one responds to the environment and how others living with dementia and Alzheimer’s are thriving.
- Sponsor a memory café offsite to create a supportive, social space for caregivers and their loved ones.
- Host a monthly educational series with expert guest speakers, and while the caregivers attend, offer a parallel group activity for their loved ones.
- Offer respite stays to give caregivers a break and help their loved ones begin to feel at home in your community.
Most importantly, remind families that you’re not here to replace them. You’re here to partner with them. Reassure them that they’ve already done so much and that choosing memory care isn’t giving up. It’s the next phase of loving and supporting their loved one.
PRO TIP: Be sure to highlight your community’s approach to safety and independence.
Help families understand that your memory care neighborhood isn’t just safer than home—it’s more enriching, supportive, and purpose-built for this exact moment in their loved one’s journey.
- Talk about the thoughtful details: motion sensors, secured doors, resident monitoring, grab bars, walk-in showers, and intentional lighting that supports natural circadian rhythms.
- Explain how colors, textures, and layout all support engagement and orientation.
- Show how your environment empowers independence with guardrails in place.
3. Help them see what memory care offers that home care can’t.
Many families start by hoping that home care will be enough. Plus, most people want to keep their loved one in familiar surroundings as long as possible.
But home care has real limitations, especially as dementia progresses. Safety becomes a major concern. Most homes weren’t designed for aging in place, never mind for memory loss. Offering a home safety evaluation or checklist is a gentle way to help families start seeing the gaps, like trip hazards, poor lighting, or unsecured doors.
Then there’s the issue of engagement. One-on-one care can be supportive, but it’s isolating. Share your activity calendar. Point to the outings, entertainment, and daily programming that bring residents joy and structure. Paint a vivid contrast: a loved one sitting quietly with a caregiver at home vs. laughing over lunch with peers or dancing to live music.
And finally, cost. Home care often feels more affordable at first. But hourly care (especially 24-hour or live-in support) adds up fast. Families are also still paying to maintain the home. Help them see the whole picture: community life often provides more support, safety, and connection for less over the long haul.
PRO TIP: Dedicate a section of your website where you get into all of the above.
Develop a guide that people can download. Then, create a lead nurturing workflow that speaks to this persona (someone deciding between memory care and home care). Use this workflow to promote the educational items mentioned earlier, like memory cafes and the monthly speaker series.
When it comes to an emotional subject like memory care, your job isn’t to push people into a decision.
Instead, it’s about giving them the information they need to make the right call when they’re ready. When you lead with empathy, show up with support, and paint a clear picture of what’s possible, you empower families to make the transition to memory care with more confidence and much less guilt.
Need help with your memory care marketing? Get in touch and let’s chat.
